Yet another evening, yet another post I begin to write about those things which keep on happening these day. To start with, I did little bit of changing after signing in to blogspot today:-

1. I changed my blog name 
2. updated my facebook status before publishing this post. 1^st tym sounding categorical with my updated status. Ha ha …

So this is the outcome of several logical reasoning question which I am facing in my TIME class, online coaching and why should I forget my all tym favorite writer ?? Mr. Arun Sharma. (Boss such is your book and such is your logical reasoning question)

Anyway,

This tale is about 2 boys and 1 girl. ( no , there is not a single percent similarities with me). Yet being true I have read this story on someone’s blogsite a couple of months ago and from that day I was formatting the same in my mind with my own logical sentences.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
CHARACTERS:

• A- a boy named X
• B- another boy named Y
• C- a girl named Z

X loves C but Z loves B because Y approached before and expressed his love..so just because now B loves C..for no fault of his, X suffers { shayad INDIA ke maximum boys ka yahi luv story me twist hota hai}


X loves Z but does not tell her, waiting for the right time. Z thinks X is just a friend rather a best friend. So Y comes and wooes C. so who suffers???? It’s X na?? { mai sahi hu na yaar?}

A was a spoilt brat who changed for the girl C (love changes all u see) but C checks thru the history and hates this guy's past and shuts the door. {and perhaps this is the true picture of we guys}

Love is all about first come and first served. It is not about the feeling and the intense care that you carry in your heart rather love definition goes as how much pleasure you can give both by sex and money.

Love is all about committing a suicide without knowing the reason.

PS: I know the last two lines sound ironical, and may be a stab on the face of lovers but this is my personal blogs and I have full freedom to scribble my thoughts. Comments are welcomed.!!!   

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The day when you are born, you are not even aware of anything around you. Life is so much more carefree, and you have almost everyone to cater to your every need.

But as you grow, you find less and less people giving you the same affection as when you were a kid...and you find that the world does not fulfil your every wish as you hoped it would. You feel a little lonely too..

Then there is always the greed to find something that would make you satisfied both in your profession as well as your personal life. Man is forever searching..

I can say I am in such a phase now. I do not entirely know what Iwant and will be satisfied with life once I know and hence therafter, achieve my goals.

I guess,one can never remain satisfied in his/her early years. A young mind always needs something extra. Even a good job will not do any good. 'I know I am capable of much more' will always linger inside you. The hunger always pushes one forward, to try a little harder. And once you achieve your goals, wow.. I am sure the feeling must be quite something else.

And when you have achieved entire satisfaction.. then there is a much deserved peace. Your responsibilities have become lesser, you have more time in your hands. Then the child within you just re-emerges.
More people have time for you. They cater to your needs again. And of course, then comes the time when you have had enough and decides to leave to a place which is much more predictable.

Comes to a fullcircle - this walk of life.

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Dear Life,

 When I look behind me, you form my trail. When I look ahead you are my path . When I look around , you are a swirl of colors . You are a dissonance of noises. You are a labyrinth of emotions. And when I look with in , you are a mystery.

I conspire with time and together we unearth your myriad hues. When we started out , the bright colours of innocence , of unbridled happiness seemed to define you. You seemed to extend your arms to pull me into a pool of luminous joy. You seemed a beautiful picture of hope , love and peace.

Is it out of your very bosom that clouds of anxiety flew out? Did you hide under your bright shades , the darkness of sorrow ? Who painted the wild strokes of fear upon you ? Where did the thickness of Greed spring from?

Each time I look , you seem to change your colors. Layers of paint on your surface grows thick. The experiences of humanity over the years must have culminated into the collage that you present before me. I see in you memories , tears and laughter of people I never knew.

And just when you seemed to be the most undecipherable painting , I discover understanding. The new shade that i see in you , the strange combination of all your shades.. And suddenly you make a little more sense. I now see your colours, yet they don’t intimidate me. I now dodge greed , and try to overcome fear. I see jealousy and close my eyes. You taught me to manipulate you.

Yet sometimes you take me by surprise. You hide your glow and turn murky. You take away my understanding . You challenge me. As I stagger out of the dark alley, I see wisdom. The sublime shade that revels a few of your secrets.

You have painted me in all your colours. You have given me the wealth of experience. You have sprinkled over me twinges of understanding. Yet you lie ahead , a misty veil over your face. You lure me with the unknown.

Someday I shall form another layer on you , and my laughter and tears shall form lessons to somebody else in pursuit of you. For I may disappear someday , yet you will resound in every heartbeat and every breath.

I hope to make peace with you before I leave.

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Disclaimer: This post is the outcome of personal experience of past decade and if it resemble with others’ thinking, will be purely co-incidental.

  Phase 1: Guys and a gals get enroll in the prestigious institute such as TIME {presently I am} with a ton of feeling to bell the CAT. With a hope to churn lot of money and with this hope they focus to each and every class that goes in flow. What’s more, seat also gets segregated i:e boys one side, girls on other.  Status – single.

Phase 2: They start exchanging their dreams, their points, jokes and personal opinion on the faculty. Their segregated seat, turns out to be a hot discussion among others; both sit side by side, discuss about various aspect and finally those three words are spelt. Status changes from single to committed.

Phase 3: Bunking classes, going to theater, pub, parks becomes the routine, searching for the low tariff plans of various network, late night talk, early morning wishes are shared and finally ,if lucky, bed shared.

Phase 4: Examinations are round the corner, preparation almost zero, scratching beard and blaming the partner for the present condition and finally breakup occurs. But nothing miracle occurs and eventually results are zero. Status changes from committed to single.  

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People say "happiness is NOT doing what u like but LIKING what u do..."

For me happiness is................................................................................................................................

1.when u desperately want to bunk B-Tech lecture and the teacher promptly picks u to answer a question you dunno and he asks u to get out...u dance all the way out in the corridor..[What’s better: he gave you the attendance also. Ha ha ha]
 
2.when u r walking on a street smiling over an sms joke..your eyes meet to one of the pretty girl damn  sexy also and..she smiles back in a lusty way…{ impossible in INDIA dude} 
 
3. When u catch hold of your friend's cell...snoop away to glory, reading msgs that they have been hiding for ages and smirking,sniggering and handing it back to them[making a mental note of teasing them to death;)]

4. When your are eating “golgappas” and eventually the bill turnout of budget and you are haggling for that.

5. when u give a horrid “Theory of machine” paper and masturbating to get at least a “D” grade to pass and eventually it turns to be “E”. { chill maar yaar aisa hota nahi hai…ha ha ha}:O

6. when you find a thousand rupee note from your old jeans while you are running short of money. { mujhe mile to sala ek aur fix deposite karne ke liye rupiya mila…I will be on the utopia of happiness}

7. The last day of semester exam when you are writing your last paper and your thoughts are tossing you that “beta bus ye exam nikal le phir to apni girlfriend ke sath date pe jana”.
 
8. When you are travelling in cattle class without ticket and you are caught in the massive influx and u don’t know Bengali and ask your fellow passenger “ baba tumi kothai nambo” and suddenly from nowhere the TT appears and you start hiding yourself { courtesy: I was caught in MAA TARA EXPRESS and paid Rs. 286/- against the actual fair of 38. }

9. Going to college in a jammed pack bus standing beside the sexiest girl brushing with her butts and you give a damn innocent look as if the whole credit goes to influx. {Thanks to 8:50am MAFUZA bus}
10. Giving a breakup party to your friends and meanwhile your girlfriend patch you up and eventually the party turns out to be a patch up party from breakup party.

11. When your roommate ironed his shirt and you gently put it and went to college.

12. When the professor is taking the class and whole eyes is on the window of girl’s hostel in a hope to marvel the beauty of GOD’s creation and you are suddenly caught doing so and what’s more if at the same jiffy the window opens and you are asked to leave the class room. {Thanks’ to our psycho director C.T. Bhuniya for doing the 1 good thing i: e making girls hostel inside campus and shifting our classroom beside that} 

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Disclaimer: This post contains some of the filthy lines whose resemblance with anyone will be purely co-incidental. Further comments will be entertained and point 9, 12 are dedicated to all BITM’ians especially MECHANICAL DEPARTMENTS. 

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It is not completely wrong when they say-
"Everything happens for a reason"

What a great lesson it was.

Some people come into your life..
become a part of it in a big way..
n then leave.

hurts deeply..

we fail to understand the true reason behind it..
but later after few days/months/years when we look at what it has made out of the kiddish foolish vulnerable "you"..how it has transformed you into a tougher and wiser grown-up..
we realise how imp that was.

It was important to go through all of that to be able to look through things with a new improved perspective..
to move on to a new stage of life..
finally come out of the teenage dreams fantasies and image of a goodie goodie world..
stop thinking and speculating too much.
.to finally learn and go with the flow..
enjoy the flow..

I hate it when I give out my fundas like this on my blog..I feel like a stupid emotional fool crying for sympathy and attention..but this is MY blog..i have the right to scribble what ever i feel like..after all one purpose of creating it was to vent out my feelings.

When one lesson wasnt enough..when my stubborn heart refused to accept that this is how things are..God gave me a new lesson that finally did it.

I cant stop appreciating God for all the pain he has given me. All that was so bloody important.

If today I find out that my partner has been cheating on me I think I will be more prepared to deal with the situation than I would have been had the same thing happened 6 months back..(No no my partner hasnt cheated on me,infact i dont have a partner!, i have had only a msg partner) :-(
After a complete transformation.

One thing to be noted here is she evens gives you time, new people and new circumstances to make sure that all the bruises get healed..but makes sure that you've learnt to never stumble and fall down due to the same stone in future..

I feel so fresh..
I feel like a new born..
New spirit..
Better equipped..
I suddenly feel like I am standing on a cliff..fresh air and enthusiasm gushing through my veins..
I feel so Fear less..
I've finally learnt what they mean by "Taking it easy"

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Guys/Gals,

Ever stumbled upon an old xmas card handmade meticulously ,fine crafted by your 8th std bench partner..
we had ample time for meaningful friendship(even after homework) coz we were oblivious to facebook greetings(thankfully!)
those days...
when xmas celebrations in school were awaited (to see which teacher is santa this year)
when "best class bulletin board " competitions were held..all the energies were exerted to make OUR bulletin board grand:)
when standing out of class was a source of immense embarassment..so much that your cheeks flushed while you contemplated to skip school next day...
when getting caught for long nails in the regular check after prayers was such-a-big-deal!
when your elder siblings method of teaching maths was ALWAYS WRONG![ coz TEACHER was always right!]
when last-minute cramming was unheard of! Courtesy: everyday homework
when vacations were actually vacations...
when teachers made the entire class stand outside the class for making noise..and we stood[ give it today and they ll have a hard time hunting us:p]
when winning a quiz competition could put you on cloud nine..
when food was gulped down quickly in recess....
when b'days were awaited coz the whole class sang for you..and you preserved extra chocs for your best friend!
when you thought you "fooled" your teacher by mouthing and not reading the poem,the whole class was reciting!
when "call your parents!" and "a remark in the diary" was scarier than jumping off the terrace..
even a flashback to those days is priceless...invaluable..
nothing can ever equate to the riches of childhood...the treasure of schooldays...

PS:- Friendship cards, new year greetings and X-mas cards by my school buddies: Mausam, Snigdha, Rashmi, Sweeta, Kanchan, and Pankaj  took me back...compelled me to flashback to the golden days...
PPS: this blog is dedicated to my ever best buddies i met in my life during my school days...

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Our tongues stained pink with the sweetness of childhoods past,
young dreams that played in the sun
and came home with grimy faces and broken knees.

Sweat stinging their lips salty and shiny eyes
Oh the childhood of sweetness past.

Staining dreams gone old.
the pink of sweetness past
in the pink of sweetness spent.

PS: missing my childhood and remembering my old friends of St. Michael's...
PPS: Happy friendship day to my beloved friends who were there in my entire thick and thins.

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Dear folks,

 

I read a couple of my favorite blogs recently which forced me to come out of hibernation. That need to blog again -- if you are an ardent blogger, you would know the feeling! But I felt if I were to blog now, I wouldn't have anything interesting to say other than how irritating my B-Tech life has become or how cranky the DI and Quants classes makes me feel nowadays. Yup, I have bored  very much in the past couple of months  doing nothing and hence instead of indulging in self-pity, I decided to spice up my blog a lil. It has been bland for a long time now, hence I decided to go Red! 

 

Regards 

praveen

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I feel the need to write today although I have no reason or inspiration to do so. I can’t think of anything to say that won’t sound like everything I’ve said here before. If I write anything at all, it’ll be woven around my standard nonsense- those stale ideas of constancy, numbness, discomfort, timelessness, changelessness, hopelessness, unease. They are like the keywords in describing my every experience. So any effort to put down thoughts is guaranteed to fail.

I dive into a fictitious world every free waking minute of my life, unless my mind is too tired for it. And that happens way too often. My neural networks are catching dust; poor Na+ ions seem to be perpetually perplexed. And the neurotransmitters are probably on a holiday. Disorientation reigns. It’s a state that is inflexible and unaccommodating. It causes reluctance to carry out activities that are typically fun. Quite plainly, it’s dull and renders one incapable of exercising will. The psychologist calls it a mood disorder. The psychiatrist calls it mental strain. The pragmatist calls it a phase. The theorist calls it a threshold. The artist observes silently. The narcissist calls it (pronouncedly) idiocy. The commoner calls it sadness. The realist calls it life.


Summer’s approached with summer vacation. The 12-pm direct heat on the forehead feels incredible, almost like a physical blessing. Long walks on sultry afternoons are therapeutic. I colour the world around with the music in my ears. Life becomes easy again, free of bother, no tension of studying and masturbating with R.S KHURMI, and no more THERMODYNAMICS – in harmony with my surroundings and with friends and siblings.
I AM ENJOYING......

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Guys,

No doubt that the heart will still pine for the best friend even if, your friend rewards you with the word like “get lost” or “fuck off” or just go to hell….

This one is for my friend …..

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For those who feel the power to bell the CAT, here is a very useful link which may surely end the quest regarding
1. how to bell the CAT.
2. which stuff should be followed for the preparation.
3. how many hours to dedicate for this exam.
4. what to do and what not.....
5. how to master on the reading section and verbal ability.
6. what is GD/PI.
7. life of IIMities......
8. pay packages
9. A survey of institutes churning out maximum results.
10. the success story of IIMities.

LINK

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Yeah, I know that this is probably a ''happy realization" statement but when you really feel it coming true, it hurts real bad.

I shouldn't even bother writing about getting hurt or anything because I totally deserve it. I'm drowning in my own self pity state. I don't like anything about me. Infact, I think I hate myself. That's the catch! That's my effing problem. I hate myself and everything about me. I think the GOD that was making me was playing some sort of cruel joke like -- Haha! Here - you have everything but you don't have anything. 

It's like I have a perfect life which is empty. I have everything that a human being needs to live. What's missing? Parents, health, friends, family, love, education, faith? Nothing! It's all there. But still nothing is there. 

There's a limit upto which a person can take it in. The problem is when it starts being a mundane thing. Everytime there's something that keeps bothering me. There's not one effing moment that I can call as ''peace''. It's like this weird package deal! Either settle for complete peace or complete nuisance. I must've been a fool choosing the latter part. 

Yeah, I know some of my amazing friends would go like : Chill! Be happy with what you have. God has blessed you a lot. Think about people who are not priviledged enough and blah blah. I hate it when you guys say that. I really do. You wanna know why? Because you all have been there. Don't deny it. What if someone gives you a speech on something which is absolutely nowhere related to the problem you've been dipping in? How would you feel? Prolly feel like thrashing that person right then. 

I'm so frustrated right now with everything. I can't even finish myself or escape from this life sucking hell because I'm attached to my family and my friends or people who like err tolerate me! I've to be right there -- LIVING! SUFFERING! 

Ironic how the concept of living makes me suffocate now. 

Life sucks. So do I.

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On a winter's day long, a year ago
I fell in love and I'll never know
Just what it was that made me feel
So drawn to her, what the appeal

That set my pulses so to race
When e'er I gazed upon that face
Of one who was scarce but a child
Yet even then could drive me wild

I'll never know the how's and why's
I lost my heart to Suman's Eyes
But when I got that long sought kiss
I knew I'd found my Perfect Miss

My cute girlfriend from down the lane
And I'll never let her go again

For how could I describe our love?
Romantic love, all hearts and flowers
No way to count the days and hours
Spent in self-indulgent wishes
And thoughts of long awaited kisses
Of sweet embraces, tender sighs
And gazing into love filled eyes

Oh yes, it is that kind of love

Or, is it yet the love of passion
The ecstasy that knows no ration
That shuddering nerve-tingling feeling
The climax with your senses reeling
The wondrous joy when you discover
That sweet surrender to your lover
Oh yes, it's that kind of love too.

Or even yet a love that grows
One that cares and one that knows
That sees beyond the outer skin
Into the person deep within
That loves the spirit and the soul
The inner self that makes the whole
Built on trust and empathy
A love you know was meant to be

The love we share is all these things
A love that has no need of rings
A love you never need to doubt
A love I cannot live without
A love to last us all our days
A love I'll share with you always

PS:- dedicated to sm1..

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Today during a conversation with my friends made me realize something, how things have changed, how my life has changed ..in other words moved on !! There was a two year phase in my life, a phase filled with mood swings, ups and downs with so much negativity. All i used to do was crib.. blah, blah and blah for every smallest possible trouble.

And then, somehow,magically it was all gone. It was end of 2009  and beginning of 2010. So many people knowingly or unknowingly were responsible for it. 

You meet thousands of people, none of them touch you. And then you meet that one person and your life is changed forever; in my case there were few such people. They just changed me inside out. I don't know, how they manage to do it but somehow they did it.

Now i know my life is way toooo beautiful !! I'm facing just 0.001% problems of life..and when i see people with 99% problems smiling..i get a smile, that is worth so much.

I love myself, my life, my parents, my family, my girlfriend, my friends..and everyone who has somehow knowingly or unknowingly touched my life. I just don't want to hate anyone anymore. Probably life is too short to waste time for such silly things.

I say thank you way too much, 

And probably today for the last time, i want to thank each and every person that is responsible for the person i am. Love you all, sooooo much. A big waala thank you !

PS: Someone taught me to see life/things from the top..things we most of the time crib about have no meaning when seen them as part of our life as whole. So just let these things go. Love your loved ones. And also made me realize how beautiful our life is, and how beautiful are people that are part of it. Will love and miss her till the end :-)

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"Sometimes I think, how good it would have been if we were always two strangers to each other!But sometimes, few things have to happen, or how would people get memories otherwise!"

When we think life's good, all's well, kinda perfect; we have ignored that deep drown tears of loneliness in our hearts; and we are learning to kinda adjust in all sort of circumstances; then we meet that someone whom we always needed the most... a friend, our Best Friend!

I donno what thunderstorms life was showing to me. I was just looking for a good reason to stay. Then like a shooting star, you came. I had only started to admire your sparkle, but why did you disappear? I was in no hurry, then why were you?

Why were you always so quick in everything and I wasn't? You happened so sudden, and I didn't believe anything. I opened my eyes and saw the glitters. Something had changed. Yeah, the gloomy night had changed!

I was completely lost in the beauty of that moment. I was loving every single thing around me; dancing, singing, lost in the love with myself all over again; and then.. a sudden thuddd and I had to wake up from my dream... 

There was no light, no sparkle, no star.. 

Oh! You were just a shooting star

Its time to get back to my closet!

I will wait till the night is over.. with your memories..

The life of our friendship can't be so less. I hope you'll come back soon. And this time as the bright shining sun, to stay with me.. Forever!

I'm waiting...

dedicated to my ever best friend Mausam Bharti...

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He wrote with panache. All that anger in him, he penned it down with grace. People read him ,loved him, and above all agreed to him.

But then all this came with some criticism. Anyways, that was a part of his work.

One day he met a girl. A girl who was unaware of the world. Always jovial. Carefree.
For him, it was love at first sight.
For her, she didnot care.

He approached him, but again she took him casually. He tried a lot to impress her. But then she didnot budge. Some people are not made for that love thingy,u know.

His heart broke. he was angry and he wrote more about it. That was known as her best work. Uncriticised work.
PS: I dedicate this post to ritesh thakur..

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He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes

started making his way in the past 2 in the morning

he hasn't been sober for days......

pondering for the future and for her future mate.....

The sudden realisation of urgency makes him more impatient with every passing tick on the clock. Search for it inside, outside around and beyond...only to ask himself what he is looking for there? Can't think straight, loss of focus, never knew that a void this huge existed within him.....

....................denouncing for the thinking that he possesd on that night, he wiped his tear at 3, smiling at his foolish thought he woke up, went to the washroom of his hostel, splashed the water on his face and said...

where were you

when everything was falling apart?

all my days 

were spent by the telephone

which never rang

and all I needed was a call 

that never came.....

 PS: It was a crap idea in the mind of blogger to come up with the idea that resulted in a demistifying blog. Sorry it was just the writer's mind BlOcK.....

gud night 

--praveen

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I write …

For me
My thoughts, my words
On my space I like to describe

For you
Some humor, some whiplash
My opinion, open to yours

No flowery words, no desire to please
I write that I feel befits the need
Of my mind, my heart
My thoughts and my belief

Yes I write
Of stars naught nor moonlit nights,
No kisses and embrace or armored knights

And so I write
Of you, of me, of us
Of love, of life, and struggles and grit
A tale of life as is.

and yes I write …

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So, finally I am back to yada yada yada on my open digital diary. Year 2010 proved to be one of the most memorable years for me. In this year I abdicated one of my best friends. This year taught me how to identify the masquerade friend among others.

Well, after such a long time (then anticipated) I came here just to pour my feelings and for the ablution of my past sadness. I deciphered that whole year I kept on thinking about my life, destined to what to do in future and obviously  was trying to recondite about love. But all proved to be in vain and finally I came to know that I have wasted my 1 year on such a useless thing “LOVE”.

By the term USELESS I don’t mean that I have lost faith in love. I want to tell you guys (girls & boys) that love is just an abyss. You can’t measure the deepness and the width of love. You can’t give the exact definition of love and you can’t even predict where your love will take you to.

I tag year 2010 as “memorable” because in this year I found somebody, so dear to me, a lost friend 8 years back and deciphered the naked face of one of the person whom I was thinking the best buddies of mine. I successfully completed the 3 semester and turned out to be 3/8^th of a mechanical engineer. Overall I can say that it was a year of mixed interest.

Looking back into the compendium of my digital diary I came to know that I have scribbled too many useless thing in 2010 which resulted in abjure for 2011 for not doing so. Before I should proceed further I would like to make clear to you guys that I am not a writer, whatever I scribble here is just a feeling and for that I am not going to put any disclaimer.

I also agree that I was not true to my blogs last year. I will try this year to be very much true toward my blogs. This year I will prevent myself from any scrimmage between love and friendship which have become a trite in 2010.

With the hope that year 2011 will give me a chance to explore something new, a platform for becoming a good citizen of India and above all the expedition in the field of learning something new, I stop my writing here only.

--Praveen

PS: Happy New Year!!!

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