Aaaah!! How beautiful it is when I wake up early and see our localities boy going to school. Last day I was passing by one of the Govt school in Patna when my eye sight was caught on a little boy who was standing with a Tiffin box and his Mumma was coaxing him and promising to give aalu- paratha next day. haha!! How the life changes, priority changes!!

Anyways, the shrill of the lunch break still rings in my mind. Counting seconds to the lunch break and then when the bell goes, the school erupts! Aaah!!! such was the day! One or two lunch box and 7 hungry tigers were there….!!! I remember that i rarely brought my tiffin box with me during my schooling days as i was among those 1 hungry tigers who prey on others tiffin box. Haha!! In spite of anticipating what my mother gave me in my luch box, i find happiness in what my friends Mumma's had packed in my friend's lunch box?

 Remember that one teacher who brightened up your day , you waiting for her lectures, paying dire attention and liking the subject because of her? You remember that one teacher whom you secretly hated because you felt the feelings are pretty mutual? Remember the punishments ( which made you red )? Remember innocence? And then the pretty fights over who will sit where…the long "good morninnng teacher" ..ah! the bliss of childhood! Once in a while we all need a reminder of things we take for granted.Whether it’s valuing mumma’s food cooked with love, or the magic of childhood unity and friendship.

Get back to the magic of life, get back to the childhood memories, I bet you will be smitten by the childhood memories. You will get into the ecstasy world, the world where you were nurtured, where you learnt the first lesson, you will realize how beautiful life was with a bag on the back, without tension and with full attention how we used to go to school….!





Just delve yourself into the childhood memories and unearth those beautiiiiiiiful days, it's like a magic, magic of nostalgia......!!!!

-- praveen 

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था में नींद में और मुझे सजाया जा रहा था...

था में नींद में और मुझे प्यार से नहलाया जा रहा था...
ना जाने वो कौन सा अजीब खेल खेला जा रहा था....
मेरे घर में बच्चो की तरह मुझे कंधो पे उठाया जा रहा था !!!!!!!!!

था मे वही पास में हर अपनों के बीच........
तब भी में हर अपनों के बीच पुकारा जा रहा था !
जो कभी देखते  भी नहीं थे मुझको पूरी निगाहो से। ....
उनकी आखो में भी मेरे लये प्यार लुटाया जा रहा था !!

मालूम नहीं क्यों सब हैरान थे मुझे सोते हुए देख कर...
जोर जोर से रो रो कर मुझे जगाया जा रहा था !!!
फिर काँप उठी मेरी रूह वो मंजर देख कर
जब अपनों के हाथो में जलाया जा रहा था.....

तोर कर सब्र का बांध रो परी मेरी रूह.. . .
वो जगह देखकर जहा मुझे हमेसा के लिए सुलाया जा रहा था !!!
मोहब्बत की इम्तेहाह थी जिन दिलो में मेरे लिए
उन्ही दिलो में से में धीरे धीरे भुलाया जा रहा था !!

उठ सकता था में उस पल, पर सोचा।।।।।
में उठु किसके लिए ?
इस दुनिया ने मुझे दर्द सिवाए दिया ही क्या ?
जो रुक जाऊ इनके लिए ?

उस पल न तो रुकने का दिल था न ही इस बेमन दुनिया को छोर कर जाने का गम था। .....
बल्कि में खुश था। ....
इस नफरत भरी दुनिया को छोर कर में खुसिया पाने जन्नत जा रहा हु !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---Written by : Vaibhav Kumar

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It seemed an advantage to be traveling alone. Our responses to the world are crucially molded by whom we are with, we temper our curiosity to fit in with the expectations of others......!!

-The Art of Travel

land slide near Zorthang 

Thoughts of Sikkim always portrayed images of monks and monasteries, beautiful glaciers and a clean city without any traces of pollution. It was in May when i decided to go solo in my travelling quest and to find the purpose of my life. I still remember it was searing summer in Patna when I checked for the tickets to Siliguri from Mithapur Bus Stand (In Patna) in May 2017. I checked the gears of my DSLR and was set to go on the adventure of solo travelling.

I decided to go Yuksom, a small hill-lock village in West Sikkim, and started my journey to Zorthang from Siliguri. It was drizzling outside and music was set to volume 8 on my iphone. Unfortunately i never reached to Zorthang. 1 km before Zorthang i met with land slides. Plans to stay in West Sikkim was no more on my list. As someone has rightly said; "Plans have a way of changing themselves, so they do". Some connections are just meant to be like me with adventures. Thankfully Gangtok helped me to heal both physically and mentally. It was a tiring journey of 7 hours from Siliguri to Zorthang and then to Gangtok.

First thought after reaching to Gangtok was the city's cleanliness. People's life style and the calmness that the city caries within. I was feeling refreshed, rebooted and i felt a new vibrant energy within. I checked with few of my budget hotels and got the one near MG Marg.

MG Marg

Checking further to the cities best places i sorted out to spend few hours to Rumtek Monasteries & Tsomgo Lake and Baba Harbhajan Singh shrine the next day.

Travelling solo gives you an opportunity to look within you. What you want in your life? Are you happy within or is there any conflicts within? you will get the answer if you spend few days alone in solitude in the majestic hills of Himalayas. I got mine.

Travelling to the new lands and seeing through new eyes is what i found gives me inner peace.

Fishing by the side of water stream near Banjhakri falls

You can access whole picture of my sikkim here. I will continue the detailed itinerary of Sikkim in upcoming post. 

--praveen

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"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself"

-George Bernard Shaw

We all are born with a purpose. A purpose which we always keep on finding for and keep on seeking the divine guidance when we feel we are down. Have you ever thought what it is that brings misery and sorrow in one's life? what it is that brings happiness and success?

Being a student from science background we need to understand every prospect associated with human sufferings in a scientific and logical way. We humans have been gifted with a strong biological computer, the power of which we still are unaware. We even don't know how powerful our biological computer is which only weight 3 pounds and are made up of 75% of water and 100 billion neurons. A human body have three main parts- a brain, a heart and a nervous system. All three must work in synchronization for a better living.

Every action of ours is triggered by thoughts which arises in our mind. The compassion to life a blissful life, the carnal desire, the love for wealth all are the acoustics of a single thought which comes in our mind. Whatever thoughts we possess in our mind is being answered by GOD in the form of dreams, manifestation, friends, behaviors. Nature always keep on communicating with us every moment. Only we need to understand the message of the nature at every moment of our life.

If we find ourselves in the state of despair, it's only because we have a conflict thoughts in our mind. We were at one point of time say one things and at the other time we say diametrically opposite point and hence our own thought creates a chaos situation of waves which gets transmitted and a conflicting situation arises in our life and is manifested in the form of sufferings.

When we are sad, several images comes in our mind which makes us realize that we are sad. We keep on connecting the past from the bad experience and keep on getting trapped in the labyrinth of emotions and keep on increasing our stress level. To avoid such a situation we need to understand the thought pattern. we must realize that a single negative thought will attract a thousand negative thoughts and then those negative thoughts will only keep manifesting in our life in the form of sufferings and physical ailments.

On concluding note, i would like to pen down "We must keep a positive outlook towards every situation". We must keep a vigil on every single thoughts that arises in our mind. 

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Book name: Let the power be with you
Author Name: Shivi Dua

This book comes with a title of healing/self-help. If you are suffering from stress, broken relationship, family problems, carrier problem and you are looking for the possible solution in overcoming all these, this book might be one of the rescue point for you.

In this book, author has paraphrased that "whatever is happening with us is because we want to let it happen with us". Is this true? At the beginning of the text i was bemused to know that "we are only responsible for our sufferings" but when i got pinched with each pages the clarity of the statement was clearly visible. Yes it is true!!

"Recognizing and resolving our inner conflicts is what will bring peace inside us naturally"

According to Shivi "It is our thought process or our thoughts which is responsible for our sufferings in life". At one instance when we start looking for something we send a packet of thoughts to Universe which is a great receptor. We can understand this statement like our mind is a transmitter and Universe, a receptor. Whatever we will transmit will come back to us in the physical form and will manifest in our life. Each one of us is a powerhouse of energy and each thoughts that emanates from us is a power packets. If there is a conflict in our thoughts then we will have a conflicting situation in front of us in our physical life.

Whole text in the book revolves at a central idea of thoughts and inner conflicts. The language used in this book is lucid and one can easily understand the text. Few lines that i loved and added to my lexicon are:

Whatever has been done, had been done. What can be achieved through blame and guilt, other than creating negative energy in ourselves and our lives? There is nothing better than accepting whatever has happened as a part of living our own karma. Watching our karma from the current moment onwards is what can help dispel all negativity from our lives. 

I recommend this book to those who want to take first step in healing their mind, body and soul. 

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Do you know what it feels like to be left behind?

Losing everyone around you in such a little time.

I try not to worry since she left in the past,

But its hard going through life knowing nothing ever lasts!

Its hard to hide behind this frown,

When on the inside you're on the verge of a break down!

I've lost something that meant the world to me,

All I've left of her are her memories.

You have no idea how badly i want them back,

But they have left me in the past which was there plan of attack.

The pain of losing them will never go away,

I'm tired of feeling like this everyday.

I feel like I no longer belong,

I fake my happiness to show nothing's wrong.

OKAY!! so this one is dedicated to my ever best friend.....

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It is one of those days,
one of those days when you realize that every night, you come back to an empty house.
one of those days when you are walking back home and all the songs on shuffle seem to be about loneliness and heartbreak.
one of those days when you wish you had someone's arms to cuddle in after a long day at work.

one of those days when it seems like that heartbreak happened just yesterday.
one of those days when you see a cute couple and you can't help but wonder what it would be like to have that with someone.

one of those days when nothing you do seems to make too much sense.
one of those days when you just want to lie in bed and have a dream-less sleep.

one of those days where you are smiling at everyone and making conversation but it feels out of place.
Its one of days that will pass......
tomorrow i will wake up and today will be a thing of the past, may be even forgotten.
But for now, its still just one of those days...!!!

--praveen 

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This is a story 8 years back…!

The relationship which lost their track..!

With every incident that happened is there in the memory,

Oh don’t be anxious you have to go only with summary…!!

Taking you to the summer of 2006

When their friendship had just fixed….!!

Both of them were then in class 9,

When everything was going fine…!!

Hi, hello were the normal introduction,

Before the feelings for others were fixed in connection..!!

The closeness in their friendship grew,

And all set, others started gossiping, sometimes taking interview…!!

Every set of season came and went,

But their friendship never came to an end!!

Finally it was year 2007,

When they think, their friendship is far beyond heaven…!!

They starting sharing too many dreams,

Sealed with lots of promises which never steamed!!   

Then one day happened something bad,

For which both of them became sad,

Day by day everything went askew,

Problems were apparently, but the separation grew!!

And just like that, the communication was broken,

“Just get lost” the last words were spoken….!!

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the lost childhood

click on the the link for the previous post:
childhood memories-1
a flashback to my school days
those days....

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sometime few lines can explain everything.....things that we can't express in words, feelings that can't be reveled out....promises that can't be fulfilled ....goals that can't be hit....ambition that seems to be shattered...life that need a pause...and then you just keep your eyes close and listen to the thump of those lovely songs which soothe you the most ....!! That state of mind is something close to peace.....!

    Ohhh re manva tu toh bawara hai
Tu hi Jaane tu kya sochta hai
Tu hi Jaane tu kya sochta hai
Baawarein
Kyun dikhaye sapne tu sote jagte

Jo barse sapne bund bund
Naino ko mund mund
Kaise mai chalu dekhna saku anjaan raaste
Gunja sa hai Koi iktaara iktaara
Dil me bole Koi iktaara
Dil me bole Koi iktaara
Gunja sa hai Koi iktaara

Sun rahi hoon mai Sudh budh khoke Koi mai kahaani
Puri kahaani hai kya kise hai pata
Mai toh kisi ki hoke ye bhi na jaani
Rut hai ye do pal ki ye rahegi sada kise hai pata
Jo barse sapne bund bund
Naino ko mund mund
Kaise mai chalu dekhna saku anjaan raaste
Gunja sa hai Koi iktaara iktaara
Dil me bole Koi iktaara
Dil me bole Koi iktaara
Gunja sa hai Koi iktaara 
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PS: i choose the title of the post as untitle because sometimes no words, no title has power to express your inner most feelings....this is one among many..!
------scribbled by : praveen

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  ‘if she ever found him sad or thinking too much, she would say something funny, make him laugh, tell him it’s going to be fine and the warmth and joy she felt in her heart whenever she was successful in making him smile, satisfied her’

I read it somewhere ‘the joy one gets in making others happy is invincible.It makes one whole, makes one content.’ When I read those lines I had never felt like it, although I had made people happy around me in some or the other way but I never found my happiness in it. I still did not know what it felt like making someone happy and feeling at peace.

And recently I have been having this very particular feeling. It’s different from happiness or blissfulness; it’s a three letter word ‘joy’. Joy brings with it truck loads of happiness and satisfaction, all at one time. Joy is not just about you, it’s about more than you and it’s about someone else. Joy is not about just making someone
 smile, it’s about feeling good when youlook at that smile. Yes! There is an ulterior motive behind bringing that joy,a selfish one to be precise.

I had never thought I would ever experience such a feeling or a feeling likethat existed. I always thought that when I look at my friends smiling knowing that I made them, made me feel like smiling but I had never felt the feeling of warmth and of being whole until now. Making someone happy brought a whole new perspective to me and I realized there is so much within us waiting to be explored, so much emotions waiting to come out,
so many thoughts waiting to be analyzed and so many beliefs waiting to be formed.

So if ever you find a feeling so pure, purer than the feeling of love, consider yourself lucky because then along with love you would have found peace and satisfaction as love still does form a tiny part of that word ‘joy’.

‘She said that one line that always made him laugh, she made that adorable face that always made him smile, even though somewhere knowing the future she was hurting inside. And then she remembered the line- for you a thousand times over’

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it pains when u no longer own a feeling..an idea..a creation u lived...imagined...dreamed..prayed..initiated..and loved with all your heart....

it pains when ppl u share all yr jokes wid dunt find it funny...

it pains wen yr intentions are accused...

it pains wen u keeep holdin on to an idea...a belief a faith for sooooo long only to find someday that u were holdin on thin air...

funny...but true...how something can brush across yr heart in a fraction of seconds n giv u pain that u neva imagined...

funny how some third parties words keep back to u..encirclin in yr mind...how much eva u try to rmove the crap----its crap after all..isnt it?

funny how ppl whom we luv care n adore behave strangely wid us....in a manner that wrenches d heart....

funnny how we make d most wildest decisions based on the situation mentioned above...

decisions dat we may not have dreamt of making...decisions wich r taken by facing the heat--

-wen it pains...coz wen it does...it burns not only d heart but also d face...d cheeks..d eyes...

funnny wat a day-an hr-a minute can do to u n yr state of mind...

funny wen sometimes u feel best wen u r left alone...d silence...d slow breathing...d sanctity of yr own presence...everything bout u dat u feel to notice wen u r in a crowd...

funny wat "pain" can do to u..p-a-i-n!!!

the 4 letter monster wich hurts pokes...makes u cry...but teaches u...a moment of pain can teach u wat a decade of happiness cant!!!!

PS:- i dunno what i want, may be love, life, dream, ambition....or may be silence, isolation.....!

In  my dream you are my life

but in my life you are my dream...

PPS:- passing through the bad phases of my life...in front of my eyes i am seeing my red rose turning into yellow..! but i can't say anything, more over i have to pretend as if yellow is better than red...! 
 

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When I was a kid, I was taught to move forward with everyone, to take into consideration what might be good for all than what might be good just for me. I was taught that there are rules and I need to live by them, for if I don’t I will bring grief to myself and everyone related to me. I was asked to ‘sacrifice’ my individuality for the collective thought, my perceptions for the vision that was presented before me, my grey for their black and white and my black and white for their grey.

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 I have grown up, I set my own rules. Rules, which I like to break and rules which broke many frontiers. My journey started from an Indian village to a metropolitan city, and I landed in so called engineering college with loads of dream and ambition. After becoming 3/4^th of engineer I can say I am jack of all trade but master of none. I roam here and there, I rant, I cant ……but I won’t bore you by talking how I spent my last 3 year or how stupid I have grown in becoming 3/4^th of engineer.

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My friends tell me, I laugh a lot. My mp3 version of uff!!! Is so nice that it can be recorded for further dissection J loll!  They think I am one of the luckiest guys who don’t have any tension and who prefer always laughing and making others to smile but maybe i am a great illusionist in this field. I have got a talent for not showing my deepest wound which I am dissecting as I move on in life. I prefer isolation, I prefer imagination because in the realm of reality you will only get pain, and this world is full of masquerades, people know more to take work with you rather giving company when you really need it in your bad phases.

                It is surprising how your feelings can betray you even if you're behind the safety of a monitor and a key-board and not staring in the eyes of the one you're talking to...

Here quote a famous line by Sydney Sheldon:

"if you give a man a fish, he can have a meal,
but if you teach him to fish, he can eat for the rest of his life."

PS: One day I might be the deepest imprints embossed upon your heart; second a mere acquaintances and the third just a fading memories………..

--praveen

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I don't understand this.
Am i really experiencing the feeling of loneliness?
It's been a long time since I actually felt this way. Really really long time ago. Probably 4 years ago.

I can manage a wild guess and my feeling this way.
4 years ago, I had someone who I thought I can share everything with. Whom i can reveal all about my true self to, someone whom with I have no need to put up any sort of front around. Someone who can share my secrets. Someone, who promised to be a friend forever. Someone, who I would think of immediately when I needed strength, company, help.
And then something happened.
In short, I was stabbed, in the back.
The friendship ended. Forever ended. She no longer existed.

I was hurt. Deeply.
And i grew bitter. Friend. Close friend. True friend. Best friend. Ha. None of this actually ever existed. What are they, but words to deceive people that a relationship is worth getting into. That soul - mates do exist. I've learnt. The hard way. Those are all but lies. nothing, but lies.
And so I've built a wall around myself, a wall that I was sure no one was able to penetrate through. And no one did. At least, not in the 3 years after the hurtful relationship I went through. I didn't allow myself to get close to anyone. Why should I?
"People ask me why it is so hard to trust others
I ask them why it is so hard to keep a promise"
This was the mantra I lived with for the 3 years. It sure was painful, at the very beginning. I was thinking of all the could - have - beens, should - have - beens,
I was suffering from the lack of company. The contrast was so stark. From when the world belonged to just the two of us, when she was all I wanted and needed, to when nobody can get close to me at all. When I have no one I can even lean on, fall back on, talk to about sensitive issues. It was torture.
But i made it. I've molded myself, grew accustomed to the lack of company. Soon, loneliness changed to a mere "being alone". And i was perfectly fine with. In fact, if anything, I was quite comfortable, and even enjoyed being by myself. The freedom that comes with it, of not having any burden, no expectations to live up to, no fears of being hurt, no emotional drawback. I was a free man.

And that fateful January 2010, I met someone.
I should have known. It was all too familiar. Everything we did together reminded me in parts of whatever happened 3 years back. Of all the "forever" promised. Yet, blind faith was what kept me going, kept me believing in this friendship. Forever friendship. Ha. Sure.
They said, "Insanity is doing the same things over and over again, and expecting different results." And insane i was. The expected ending was written all over the place. I just chose to ignore it.

And now, I've let myself feel hurt again.
I feel lonely...
Lonely...
Alone, Yes. Definitely.
But lonely...?
Haven't crept up in my dictionary for 3 years already.
It's painfully. Awfully painful.
I never thought I would truly feel lonely ever again. Or maybe, change of perspective. Let's look at it this way. There's this special one, this once - in - a - lifetime - friend, who walks into your life, and everything changes. Everything.She completes your world. You realize she's the one you've been missing throughout your entire life, and with him, your life, you, are truly complete.
And then, just as suddenly. She walks out. She vanishes. She disappears. Forever gone.
I guess being alone, is perfectly fine, when you've always led your life by yourself. When you do anything, everything, by yourself. You never needed anyone. You were truly independent. When you've never been so truly absorbed in someone's else presence before.
And when you do, you fall into the trap. Because when she leaves, and you're left alone again, this time, something's different. Something's missing. Someone's missing. She is.
And when everything you are doing, would remind you of the could - have - been, the what - ifs, the if - he - was - here.
Previously, there was no alternative. There was no other option. You were alone. That's a fact. You accepted it.
But then she came into your life. You started dong things together. You started welcoming her into your life. You started acknowledging her presence. And when she leaves, and you do things alone again, you are reminded that she could have been right here, doing this very same thing with you.

Few, if any, would truly be able to understand, how torturous it truly is, when every little things, literally, reminds you of the person. When you walk to places you've been to together, and we've been through to a lot of places, and all it does is remind you of how you were with him, walking the same path, just a few weeks back.
When the acquaintances around you have no idea what is going on, and talks to you about the person, asking you how is she. It's painful, downright painful, when everyone around you associate you, and ask you about someone, you've been trying you damnest to forget. It's just torture.

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Dear blog,

I'm cringing and shrinking into myself these days..not being introvert..not being self-centered..but some kind of inertia holding me tight within the clutches of loneliness..kinda resorting to insightful introspection..

What do i have to muse so much about? I had never been a complex character to be dug and dissected...My life has always been simple enough to be cracked with an average savvy...But I’m switched into a thinking mode for the last 4 days...Trying desperately to topple it..But flunking each time...

I'm no more interested in hang outs, not in movies, neither in parties nor in talking with my friends... Life is turning out to be a hide and seek with me choosing to hide each time...There are those rejected phone calls and unanswered messages and neglected chats..

Perhaps the new twists and turns in my life and the inevitable bafflement is all responsible for my state of mind…
Perhaps the advent of a new serious life plays the magic…

Reasons apart..
I have become all alone..
Perhaps not alone..but trailing from a sucking loneliness to the genial solitude..

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 “Dusk is just an illusion because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are there cannot be one without the other yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel I remember wondering to be always together yet forever apart?”

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Ok! I turned the leaf of my life calendar about an hour back to know what I have achieved and where I had fallen in my CAT preparation. And with that analysis I can pin down with panache that I have crossed my 50% preparation mark on my desk. But the last one month was troublesome as I didn’t focused much of my time on my studies. I was on pins and needle.

I simply let time crawl out of my hand for instances I haven’t read a single novel since January 2012. I wonder why I lost interest in studies in last month and was busy in unearthing the memories of school, friends and my past days………..

Last night I was talking with my friend when I was stuck with the 7 letter word i:e “perfect”.

I have read about the perfection and its use like a perfect couple, a perfect boy, a perfect epitome of business tycoon, a perfect love, a perfect body, a perfect son……but I haven’t read about a perfect breakup, a perfect pain, a perfect tear…or a perfect hurt and agony.

Why is the word perfect not able to define a lost love, something like a perfect betrayal? I think the credit is “conventional overshadows innovation”.

Calling anybody perfect is a disgrace to humanity. If anyone is perfect, they are not human beings or they don’t fall under homo sapiens. Nothing in this world is perfect, so am I.   

“a small dot can stop a big sentence but few more dots can give a continuity”

I want to get to the top of my satisfaction once again. I wish to look in the mirror and call myself perfect, even though I know that for anyone who desires this, their world would come crumbling down under the weight of their own desire…

---praveen

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